WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU IS...

This is pretty lame.  SECRET INVASION #5 furthers to epic crossover super-event approximatly 35 seconds, and while they are indeed action packed seconds, I would be lying if I said they made any sense, or were that much fun to read.

I want to like this.  I want to, and damn it I probably should.  It has fighting, it has robots, it has explosions and robot doubles...this should be tons of fun.  But instead, I get a few pages in and sure enough, there's someone dropping that old peanut of a line "What I am telling you is...blah blah blah."

I would like to think that author Brian Michael Bendis made a deal with some weird old gambler on a cloudy night some years ago, a deal that stipulated that he include that phrase in everything he writes, forever, and in return he'll get a free West Wing Box Set.  I would like to think that because it actually totally boggles my mind that he might actually think that everyone on Earth uses that phrase all the time.  I have never heard a real person say that, in fact hearing someone lead into a point that way would only ensure that I ignored whatever the thing the person was trying to tell me.

Maybe in some yet-to-be revealed tale it will be revealed that in the Marvel Universe Captain American used that phrase in a speech when he first addressed the people post-frozen in ice.  And for that reason it is a phrase that has completely taken hold in the sort of cultural lexicon or something.  And let me tell you...the comic where this is revealed will be 48 pages for 4.99 and will be fucking awful.

But back to actual story.  Wait, I don't know if I can do it.  Maybe I could try and say something nice?  Okay, let's see...did I mention the explosions?  Wait...the art is pretty good.  Except the artist is drawing everyone with  weird jaws now.  Used to be weird eyes, now it's weird jawlines.